Someone asked me this week while we were in session if I wear pj bottoms when I am working. I usually don’t share personal information with my clients, but I thought this would allow the client to see things from a different perspective. I said, no not usually -- I usually get dressed for my day so my brain gets the message that I am working. It helps energize me for my work. My client seemed really perplexed and it opened up the discussion about doing things that work for us.
I want you to think about the phrase:
What do you do for yourself that helps you do get to what you want?
Over the years, I have thought this was “navel gazing” or “self-centered” and I pushed against it in many ways during my younger years. I didn’t want to be “that person.”
Years later, I was introduced to the concept of “Finding Balance” and I suspect it was to challenge the idea of selfishness when thinking about self-care or boundary setting. However, I now think balance is a fallacy and somewhat destructive. It gives the notion that we need to be giving equal parts to ourself and to other things or equal parts to personal versus professional parts of our life.
Sometimes we have to lean more in one direction than the other and it is as though the seesaw of life really doesn’t settle in the middle. This makes us somehow believe there is something wrong with us or because we cannot find this “balance” we are doing it wrong.
THIS IS NOT TRUE!
When I ask the question: what are you doing for you,
what I really mean is: “What is it that you need right now to be effective?”
For me, I need to put clothing on each day to engage my brain in a way that makes me feel good and allows me to serve my clients well. I need to start my day with gratitude and prayer, I need to take time to exercise each day, and I need to spend time connecting with people I care about.
I ask the question again --- what do you do for you?
Drop the “shoulds,” the “can’ts,” and the “buts.” What are you doing to help you be the best version of yourself?
Side note: when my day is done – all hell breaks loose and my comfy clothes come out.
If you feel stuck in this hamster wheel and want to talk it out, please reach out to me. Here is my personal email: terra@terrasorgmentalhealth.com. Use it.