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Pants or No Pants?

Updated: Apr 13, 2021

Someone asked me this week while we were in session, if I wear pajama pants when I am working.

I usually don’t share personal information with my clients, but I thought this would allow the client to see things from a different perspective. I said, no not usually -- I usually get completely dressed for my day so my brain gets the message that I am working. Getting dressed helps energize me for my work. My client seemed really perplexed and it opened up the discussion about doing things that work for us.

What do you do for yourself that helps you get to what you want?

Over the years, I have thought that doing things to get what I want was “navel gazing” or “self-centered” and I pushed against it in many ways during my younger years. I didn’t want to be “that person.”

Years later, I was introduced to the concept of “finding balance” and I suspect it was to challenge the idea of selfishness when thinking about self-care or boundary setting. However, I now think balance is a fallacy and somewhat destructive. It gives the notion that we need to be giving equal parts – half to ourselves and half to everything else.

Sometimes we have to lean more in one direction than the other and it is as though the seesaw of life really doesn’t settle in the middle. This makes us somehow believe there is something wrong with us or because we cannot find this “balance” we are doing it wrong. NOT TRUE!

When I ask the question, “What are you doing for you?” what I really mean is, “What is it that you need right now to be effective?”

For me, I need to get dressed in regular clothing each day to engage my brain in a way that makes me feel good and allows me to serve my clients well. I need to start my day with gratitude and prayer, I need to take time to exercise each day, and I need to spend time connecting (virtually these days) with people I care about. So yes, the answer is pants.

And, I ask the questions again:

What do you do for you?

(and drop the “shoulds,