Have you ever questioned why you keep staying where you are and have a hard time “moving the needle?”
You want to get a new job, but you “can’t” seem to find one or there are too many reasons to stay. You want to be in an intimate relationship and you the ones you find just don’t work out.
Sound familiar? Here is why: you are getting something from staying where you are. A benefit or reward, if you will, from staying where you are.
So here are the benefits you may or may not experience from staying in your situation:
1. I don’t have to face the what-ifs. When we have to face the unknowns or the “what ifs” of a situation, it can be scary. So, why not stay put, because you know what is happening and can safely assume what will happen. 2. I don’t have to look like a “fool.” Think about the idea of stepping out to do something different than the people around you. For some, this evokes thoughts about the criticism they might encounter or the rejection they may face.
Making a plan to talk with the people around you about why you are doing something and asking for their support can counteract these fears of being the outcast. 3. I don’t have to feel guilt. Guilt, you say? Let’s say you were set up with someone by your sister and it really is not a good fit for you. Guilt may arise and keep you from breaking it off because you some how “owe it” to someone. Does this resonate with you?
Time to remember that guilt only fits the facts when you have violated a personal value of your own. Does breaking up with someone violate a personal value? Quite the opposite I might think. One of your values might be happiness and staying in this relationship would keep you from that. See what I mean? 4. I don’t have to face failure. No one LIKES failure and yet people keep themselves from having to go through it time and time again. I myself had avoided things just because I was afraid I might not “do it right.”
Failure needs to be re-established as a more of a learning tool concept rather than a complete personal defeat. Start with small things you may not do well and work up to bigger things. Also, recruit people to be your cheerleaders. It really does make a difference 😉. 5. I don’t have to face success. Huh? I really need you to dig deep to see if this is something you deal with. There are times when people stay away from success because they are afraid someone else may think differently about them. Or maybe if you come from a competitive system, fear arises because others might assume a "you think you are better than us” type of response.
I see this more often than I want to and once it is uncovered people start soaring. Time to heal the shame and become more aware of these responses, so you can decide how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Time to break up with your fears (and being stuck) and make the changes you have so deeply
wanted to make.